♫♪There’s a hole in my soul - I can’t fill it, I can’t fill it.♪♫
– Flaws by Bastille
Heard this on my run today and it summed up the less than stellar mood I was in.
There’s a hole in my soul - I can’t fill it, I can’t fill it
Some days that hole is tiny, undetectable really – I believe we have this hole in our soul so we keep seeking God – it will never really disappear lest we stop seeking, serving - BUT it will become microscopic♥
Other days, like today, it is gaping.
In all honesty, today is no different than yesterday – same joys, same concerns to be lifted up in prayer, but man-o-man the ache in my chest, the anxiety, the tears that come with little warning.
Here’s what happens to me, maybe to you… when I’m not looking the concerns get a little heavier and a little heavier and before I know it – ugh.
For sure, right now, life is in flux…
I have been putting off making a couple decisions, treading water – It feels like 1 step forward, 2 steps back – I’ve been praying about it but sometimes I need a sledgehammer answer not a whisper.
My little one is moving to California to go to college – I thought graduating was going to be my undoing, HA, that was a cake walk.
My husband is moving in a new direction career wise – this is long over-due BUT still just as scary.
There’s a hole in my soul - I can’t fill it, I can’t fill it.
What’s a girl to do?
Trust - Jesus is the only one who can fill me. Not a new direction, not my adult child staying, not my husband or his career path.
Jesus has always worn my flaws upon His sleeve, always carried my burdens – He has always been willing…I have to be willing to let go, to turn them over for sweet relief.
I’m flawed, broken. Some days the brokenness seems more broken and messy than others. Some days the flaws feel all consuming.
Here’s the deal though – even on those blackest, gaping soul hole days I’m never alone. And I never stop praying…The peace that passes all understanding is just a little longer in coming. As a matter of fact it just showed up, RIGHT NOW. The hole in my soul is back to being closed up - almost.
Then God's peace, which goes beyond anything we can imagine, will guard your thoughts and emotions through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 (GW)
Sometimes it’s just about remembering God is for me; so who or what can be against me? – nothin’ that’s what! Romans 8:31
Not anxiety, sadness, scarcity, unsureness, nothin’.
With God all things are possible – trusting, seeking, knowing, finding peace – all things, all things, all things. Matthew 19:26
So the 1,2,3 is a re-run today but totally worth the repeat
Peace & Love,
Mindi Huebner is a business owner, professional conversationalist and crazy forgiver. Mindi is scandalously obsessed with leaving people and things better than she found them. If you think LOVE is always the answer, join her as she writes about her road trips with God at www.backrowfaith.com. If you don’t think love is always the answer, join her anyway. Go.Be.Love